With New Eyes
by preciouslittleingenue
Summary: Han is caught off guard when he finds Leia doing something rather out of character, and they share a moment where, suddenly, neither of them seems to recognize the other. Set on Echo Base. Written for the HanLeia Challenge January prompt: "snow." First posted on Tumblr (@queen-space-mom), but i was encouraged to post here by readers and friends on tumblr!


_"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes." -Marcel Proust_

* * *

Han turned the corner into the mess, and was once again met with disappointment. She wasn't there either. Though, why would she be? She was never seen voluntarily eating.

Instead, there was a group of rebels howling, pounding on a table, clapping each other on the back over a game of sabacc. Han very quickly turned around to walk away. He enjoyed a good game of sabacc as much as the next guy, but not when it involved a bunch of yelling boys. He was a quiet, one-on-one kind of player, preferring to play with just Chewie, or more recently, the woman in question.

"Hey, Han!"

At least he'd _tried_ to walk away without being seen. Adjusting his grimace into what hopefully didn't look like a forced grin, Han turned back around. "Hey there, kid."

"You wanna deal in?" Luke said, gesturing excitedly to the table.

"Not right now, thanks," Han said. He liked the kid, really he did. Luke had grown on him a lot more than he'd anticipated he would. But Han liked him better when he wasn't all riled up by more kids his age. The calmness Luke possessed was in his nature, Han could tell as much, but his youth and desire to be liked got the best of him when he was in large groups in social settings like this.

"You need something?" Luke asked.

"Uh, yeah actually." Han leaned on the doorway into the mess with his arms crossed over his chest. Luke waited for him to continue, but Han cocked his head, indicating he had no intention of continuing to shout across the room or of joining them at the table. Luke got the hint and jogged over to Han.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Han said. "Just looking for Leia. Haven't seen her all morning."

Luke's brow furrowed. "She isn't with you?"

"No, she's — " What he'd said suddenly sank in, and Han leaned forward, putting his hands on his hips. "Now wait a second, what's that supposed to mean?"

Luke put his hands up innocently. "Usually when I don't know exactly where she is, the first place I check is wherever you happen to be. And I'm usually right." Han's eyes narrowed. "Just an observation."

"Well the same could be said for you, Junior," he retorted.

Luke's face screwed up. "You saying I follow you around, too?"

"Leia does not _follow me around_," Han insisted, jabbing a finger at him. "That's exclusively reserved for you."

"Oh, come on…"

"Take it easy, kid." Han returned to his leaning, crossed-arm position. "What I'm trying to say is when _I_ can't find her, she's usually with _you_."

Luke smiled smugly, almost triumphantly. "Well, she's not here."

Han cupped his chin in his hand. "She isn't anywhere in this base."

"Maybe she went outside to check something out," Luke shrugged. "She'll be back soon, either way."

"She shouldn't go out alone," Han said, his tone changing.

"The weather's not too bad right now, actually. No storms or anything. I'm sure she's fine." Luke started to head back to the table. "You sure you don't want in?"

"Maybe later."

Han turned to leave, actually succeeding this time, but not without hearing some indistinct chatter from the table of rebels, quieted by Luke's insistence: "Come on, you guys. It's not my business or yours either."

Rolling his eyes, Han made his way down the dimly lit hallway to begin gathering his outdoor gear. Storm or no storm, she shouldn't be out there alone. It briefly crossed his mind that he was only creating an excuse to run into her, but then he insisted that he had been looking for her anyway…but then again, he couldn't remember why he'd been looking for her in the first place.

After he was all bundled up, he slipped outside as discreetly as possible. He didn't answer to anyone there, as far as he was concerned. He was a free agent and could come and go as he pleased. He didn't feel the need to inform anyone that he was going outside on what Luke had deemed a perfectly nice day.

As soon as Han was fully outside the claustrophobic confines of Echo Base, he was immediately surprised. Luke had been right. The cold was, of course, ever present, but there was no whipping wind, no sharp-as-knives snowfall threatening his eyesight. In fact, it was almost…nice out. Despite the chill in the air, he could still feel the sun's warmth on the little skin that remained exposed.

It didn't take long for him to notice the small footprints in the otherwise unscathed sheet of snow. He started to follow the trail that seemed to be leading to a mountain of snowy rock. Where was she going?

He turned the corner when he reached the rock, and he paused. There she was, on top of a small snow drift that wasn't too much further off, kneeling in the snow. This puzzled him, but he supposed he didn't blame her for wanting to be outside today. The weather on Hoth was typically horrifically dangerous even inside shelter. This was one of the first, if not the first day that was safe enough to get some fresh air, if one didn't mind the cold. He didn't blame her, sure, there was something odd about the way she was sitting there.

He observed her silently for a while, from a distance. It took him a few seconds to realize she wasn't sitting still. Her hands were moving. She was…building something?

He craned his neck to try and see better, not wanting to take any steps in case it made any noise that might have alerted her to his presence. He liked her like this, when she didn't think anybody was looking at her. When she wasn't putting on a show for anyone, when she dropped the role of military commander. At least, he was the most intrigued by her like this. Usually when he caught her like this she was sitting alone in the mess with a cup of kaf, staring into it with a resigned look, or she was paused in one of the narrow, winding hallways, head in her hands, taking what seemed to be steadying breaths. He never interrupted her in those moments to herself. He always turned right around, never wanting to intrude on her private moments. But he did always want to know what was going on in that head of hers, though he never felt right about asking.

This time, however, seemed different. She wasn't staring anywhere, or taking any deep breaths. She seemed…at peace. She was working very diligently on whatever she was building. She paused to scoop at the snow around her, and that was when it hit him. She was sculpting something out of snow, something he hadn't seen anyone do since he was a really young kid. Just when he thought he'd seen in all, miss-high-and-mighty was crouching in the snow building snowmen a few yards away from him. He had to hand it to her, there was more to her than he'd ever initially imagined.

He thought of turning around and disappearing back into the base, pretending he hadn't seen anything, never to mention it again. He almost did, really. He had no intention of asking her why she was doing it, no intention of teasing her about it. He certainly could have. He imagined that _she_ would have teased _him_ over something like that. But for some reason, it didn't feel right for him to use this against her. Just like it wouldn't be right for him to bring up all the times he caught her staring into a long cold cup of kaf. There was a reason she sought distance from every other sentient being on Echo Base, and it was not his place to take that from her, even if it did seem a little strange. Even still, he couldn't for the life of him stop watching her mold that damn snow.

He couldn't make out what exactly it was supposed to be from the distance. She removed her gloves and began gently fine tuning it with her bare hands. Weren't her fingers gonna fall off? What was she _making_ that she was willing to risk hypothermia for?

She adjusted herself, positioning herself on the side of her project, and Han felt his stomach sink. It was too late to run without looking like a jackass. So he mustered up a smile, and waved when she caught his eye. She practically jumped two feet in the air. Feeling guilty for disturbing her, and, frankly, disappointed for having taken her out of that magical-seeming reverie that Han was enjoying observing, he started walking toward her.

"How long were you standing there?" she said defensively, jumping into a standing position.

"Not long at all," Han shrugged. "People just wondering where you went. Not me, people."

"Oh, I'm sure." She crossed her arms. Her face was flushed, but whether it was from cold or…something else, he couldn't tell.

"Nice day." He shoved his hands in his coat pockets, reminding him that she'd removed her gloves.

"Yes, nice being relative of course."

"You gonna put your gloves back on?" He said, nodding toward the discarded fabric lying in the snow. "It's not _that_ nice, you know."

"I'll put them on when I'm finished," she said diplomatically, as if she weren't referring to a pile of snow. Han looked pensively at said pile of snow. If he wasn't mistaken, it was taking the shape of a woman's head, though it wasn't quite finished.

"What? No smirk?" Leia challenged. "No scoffing remark about Her Highness sitting on the ground and playing with snow?"

Han shrugged, hands still in his pockets, and shook his head. "Just intrigued. It's uh…it's pretty good." He shuffled uncomfortably. "'Specially the nose. Much better than the space-carrots the kids use."

Leia stared at him incredulously. "You're not even going to…ask why?"

Han shrugged again. "Don't need to."

She eyed him suspiciously. "You're not gonna run and tell everyone?"

"Not that kinda guy."

"Please." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Han couldn't take his eyes off of it. It really was impressive. "Did they teach you snow sculpting in princess school or something?"

"Actually, yes." Han looked up, not expecting his little joke to actually be proven correct. "Well, not exactly. We're…we _were _taught sculpting with clay. Art is—_was_ valued incredibly highly and shared by all classes. But especially the royalty." Han didn't miss the way she struggled to remember to use the past tense. It almost left a knot in his chest. "I sculpted every day of schooling."

"But not with snow?"

"No, that was a special occasion." She smiled wistfully. "During the first snow of the season there was a festival, and if the storm left enough snow on the ground, the whole kingdom joined together outside to compete in snow sculpting competitions. I wasn't allowed to win, but I could participate. Winter and I used to beg our father to choose a winner between the two of us." It took Han a moment to realize that this Winter was a person, not the season itself, a particular person he'd never heard her mention before. "Then there was a party, warm food and drinks…and for weeks there was just…art everywhere, all over the planet, on people's yard's, in parks. There was something so beautiful about the pure-whiteness of them. Sometimes if it was cold enough that year it never even melted until Spring. It was…magical."

Han knew he should have said something, but he couldn't think over the strange, unnamable feeling that was insisting on making itself known at the forefront of his mind.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble…"

"No, no," Han said quickly, afraid that she took his silence for annoyance or discomfort. The truth was that he was enjoying listening to her go on like this. In fact, in that moment he was almost certain he could listen to her talk all day. Not nag and lecture, but talk, just like she was now. Like a human being. "That sounds great. Didn't know you were so, uh, multitalented."

Her blush deepened. _So it's not the cold, then_.

"Who is it?"

Leia averted her gaze from him to the sculpture, staring silently for a while. _Don't get quiet on me now…_

"My mother," she finally said after a while, in a near-whisper, almost reverent. Han didn't know what to say. He couldn't say it looked just like her because how would he know, and he didn't know if he was supposed to offer condolences…

He was reminded then why he never sought out serious, one-on-one conversation with anyone.

"It doesn't look very much like her," Leia continued, seemingly reading his thoughts. "Only a slight resemblance. It's…hard to remember sometimes."

Another awkward silence. "I'm sorry, Princess," he managed after a while. And he meant it. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling, in that moment or in any other given moment. This was the first time he'd heard her talk about, or even hint at any of…that.

Leia shrugged, and if the situation were different, Han might have laughed. It was so stiff, so unnatural. She wanted so badly to pretend she was unaffected. "I just hadn't seen snow in a while before we got here, and since we've been here the weather's been awful. I just wanted to take advantage of the nice day. Keep my creative mind in shape." She also wanted so badly to pretend that she wasn't very much enjoying what she was doing, that she wasn't finding great comfort in this familiar activity from her childhood.

"Suppose I'd better get back, though, if I'm being looked for."

She picked up her foot, and Han couldn't stop himself. "No!" Her foot froze midair, ready to destroy the half finished sculpture. "No one's really looking for you," Han admitted sheepishly. "Really just me."

She put her foot back down and crossed her arms, challenging him. "Oh really?"

"Don't get it twisted, Your Worship. Just wanted to make sure you weren't getting ripped limb from limb by a wampa. You know, for Luke's sake. You know how he worries."

"Well, me and all of my limbs are accounted for. We can go tell Luke together." Leia said smugly, calling him on his bluff. She started to pick up her gloves, preparing to head back inside.

"Nah…he'll be fine." She stopped again, looking at him expectantly. "I think you should finish it."

Leia blinked at him wordlessly.

"Be a shame for all your hard work to go to waste. There's nothing going on in there right now. No one will miss you for a little longer." She still didn't move. "I mean it, no one's looking for you."

"No one but you?" She raised an eyebrow.

He sighed in defeat. "No one but me." He gestured toward the sculpture. "Go on. Finish it."

Leia hesitantly returned to her position on her knees. "You gonna hover over me like that until it's done?"

"I can sit." He lowered himself into the snow, just far enough to not be in her way. She gave him a skeptical look. He shrugged his shoulders again. "I wanna see what she looked like."

Leia's face changed, and he couldn't put his finger on exactly what way. It was almost like she was looking at him like she'd never seen him before. Then the moment was gone, and she started adding snow to the bust.

"Tell me more about this festival of yours," Han said lightly, stretching his legs out and propping himself up with his palms.

"I need quiet while I work," she said playfully, but he could tell she meant it.

"I can go if I'm disturbing you — "

"No," she said quickly, looking up at him around the bust. "You can stay. Just…"

"Sit here?"

"Yeah. If that's okay."

"Fine by me, Princess."

She offered a small smile, then returned to her work.

_We'll talk another time._

For the first time, he was confident that there would be another time.

For now, he was content to watch her hands, hands that he'd never noticed were so delicate. He was used to associating those hands with wielding immeasurable strength and power. Watching her lovingly craft every painstaking detail of her snow-sculpture, he decided he was glad those hands were capable of both…that _she_ was capable of both. And then of course there was her face, so intently focused. It was so different from the way she focused in briefings and meetings. Now he was looking at her like _he'd_ never seen _her_ before. He found himself tracing her face with his eyes: sculpting over the furrow of her brow, watching the way her eyes squinted, then widened, then squinted again, then paused on the very tip of her tongue, sticking out between her pale lips, occasionally replaced by her top teeth gnawing on her bottom lip, only for her tongue to poke out again.

He decided _this _was how he liked her best, fully aware that he was watching her, yet still fully immersing herself in her own world. Not completely alone, and yet not feeling the need to put on a show. She'd dropped the self-conscious guise that she'd assumed as soon as she'd seen him, and was now welcoming him into this small, yet still intimate moment in her world.

It was the closest he would ever get to sharing that world with her, and he was grateful for it.

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Thank you so very much for reading! Do leave a review if you'd like! This is only the first of many Star Wars fics to come!


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